The Cow And I

A beautiful read. Thank you. But wow where to start. Glossing over the whole "best scenery in central Illinois" issue, I guess I'll just get down to brass tacks and ask some questions:

1. What was it that Jay told you to give you this idea?

2. What does The loss of "2 upset NAK GRIOJ" mean?

3. How much meat did you get?

3a. Can I have some?

4. How much did it cost?

4a. Was it worth it?

5. Did you really go there with a camera and get no picture of yourself holding a bloody knife and a dying cow?

6. Did you explain BeefStakes to the kind family farmers? Did they wonder why you wanted to kill your own?

7. How are you planning on storing so much meat?

8. Considering the fact that you are already beating me, why bother?

I'm sure more questions will arise as I sleep and dream about you and your bloodstained hands. But for the moment, I salute you as a true killer, a genuine connoisseur of meat. You are the only friend I can claim who means it when he says, "I'd kill for a steak right now."

Save me a steak, by the way. I'll be around sooner or later.

Oh and:

9. Are you happy with yourself now?

i should think that a big strong boy such as yourself should have to go one-on-one with a cow so as to kill it. Yo and the cow, naked in a field, with just one knife between you to struggle over. no electricity needed, no prayers, no false redemption, no bullshit (at least until you twist the knife). THAT's worth taking pictures of.

KE

knife? they both have teeth, don't they?

I was glad to finally share the Secret Weapon with you. Deep down in the recesses of your mind, you probably knew all along.

As to your questions:

1. You accurately recalled that Jay had unknowingly given me the idea for the Secret Weapon at a baby shower. How so? We were both ranting about George W. Bush. Jay called Dubya his own worst enemy, because of the offal that continually pours from his mouth. While I disagreed, and argued that a majority of Americans are apt to believe everything our President says, for a variety of reasons, Jay's comment got me thinking about BeefStakes. It reminded me that Max, our Wise Judge, a master of Aikido, has the ability to use his opponent's strength against him. I wondered what would happen if I tried to harness Guy's hideous mind against him. Since he's all too eager to share with the rest of us its squirming contents, I decided it just might work. And I guess it did, since I'm left with many, many pounds of meat.

2. "The loss 'of 2 UPSET NAK GRIOJ" What does it mean? How the hell should I know? You emailed me that cryptic message yourself. Who knows, maybe it was an email virus.

3. How much meat? Hanging weight (post-gutting/skinning, pre-processing) was 668 lbs. I don't yet know the actual weight. I just got back late last week. I understand it's roughly half the amount. The meat is still sitting in the slaughterhouse freezer in central Illinois, waiting to be picked up next week.

3a. Can you have some? Of course. When you come to visit, we'll grill some together. Or perhaps you'd prefer chicken? (I have some of that too)

4. How much did it cost? The total bill was just over $2000 (covered the farmer's cost, the processor's cost, and other costs). I am obviously not eating it all myself. Just a portion thereof. How much? Not telling.

4a. Was it worth it? If you have to ask, you'll never know (at least until you try it yourself).

5. I didn't ask to be photographed killing the steer. That part of the whole experience was a bit too intimate, and too serious, to be available for public consumption. It was a solemn affair. I didn't take pictures of the event out of respect for the animal. Plus, they probably wouldn't have let me anyway.

6. Did I tell the farmers about BeefStakes? Are you crazy? I simply told them I and some friends wanted some good quality, safe, organic meat, and we wanted to make sure every step of the way that the killing and processing was done in a humane and clean fashion. That's the same story I told the processor. And it's the truth. What do they care how and why the animal is ultimately consumed?

7. How am I storing so much meat? I'm purchasing a chest freezer this week to store my unspecified share.

8. Considering I'm already beating you, why bother? See 4a.

9. Am I happy with myself now? Not nearly as happy as I'll be when I pick up my share.

You should've been there. I know you certainly would've made the trip, if I'd let you, and if you'd been Stateside. But some roads we travel alone.

I'll have you along next time.

Sweet dreams.

Kurt - Without a knife, and with a ruptured lumbar disk, and with some fairly ground-down incisors, I would've gotten my ass kicked by that steer. If faced with death by a raving, naked loon, he would have probably been full of piss and vinegar.

you paid $2000 plus the cost of the grill plus the cost of the freezer? Does Samina know about this?

I know that now the chances seem remote, but what are you gonna tell her if you lose this whole thing anyway?

just doing a little math... $6 per pound? Is that a good deal?

I didn't pay $2000. You'll remember that I'm not in on this deal alone. There are other parties who have invested in unspecified shares. The grill is considered a long-term purchase, and I would've gotten it anyway.

Approximately the price per pound is a good deal for organic beef. At least around here. Plus, piece of mind is priceless. I imagine that I'll be organizing similar purchases like this in the future. Seriously. Can you imagine there NOT being any prion-infested cattle hidden somewhere out there in rural America, waiting to be taken to market before their symptoms manifest?

What if I lose BeefStakes? At least I'll know that I've put in a valiant effort against a horrifically talented opponent. And Samina agrees.
Plus, there's the made-for-tv movie royalties.

It could be too late... the prions may have addled you to the point where no amount of organic beef can save you.

The loss of 2 upset NAK GRIOJ ... that came from you, my friend.

here's the link: http://jalanjalan.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-comments.cgi?entry_id=873

Now please explain.

Oh yeah. That NAK GRIOJ. I don't have the foggiest recollection. I'll think about it.

I now remember that NAK GRIOJ. I likened my secret weapon to Judo (using one's opponent's strength in one's favor). Jigora Kano was the founder of Judo. I took one letter off each of the jumbled names, thus the loss of 2 (letters) upset NAK GRIOJ. It was a code designed never to be broken. I almost couldn't break it myself now, thanks to the prions.

you are a ridiculous person.

I know. Please help me.

I would. But you can't be helped. You're incorrigible.

Just thinking about you killing that poor cow. And then thinking about you tacking that live bug to my wall so many years ago. Coincidence? I don't think so. When you killed the cow, I wonder, did you scrawl around its corpse in its own blood a message? "Andy F says I have guts that won't quit. Cringe you fools!"?

I hope so. You know, in your own way, you truly are a man of tradition.